You probably all know the joke about the young man who came home from school one day and said to his mother, “Mom, I want to become a rabbi!”
At which point his mother says, “That’s nice dear. But let me ask you a question: What kind of job is that for a nice Jewish boy?!”
As in all things humorous, there is at least a kernel of truth to it. In this particular case, there is a mother’s protective instinct at work. After all, what mother (or father, of course) wants to see their son or daughter the subject of dinnertime conversation and sometimes the butt of jokes, ridicule, and general criticism? That is, after all, the general activity that many people have when talking about their rabbis.
It is like the joke the Rabbi Bob Alper tells when he speaks of a synagogue using voice mail. He phoned and heard this message:
Welcome to Temple Beth Shalom. If you’re calling from a touch-tone phone and would like membership information, press one. For our service schedule, press two. To complain to the rabbi, press three. To complain about the rabbi, press four, five or six. (1)
It’s no wonder, then, that moms and dads joke about having their child become rabbis: they know what they say about their own rabbi and they want to protect their child from people like themselves!
The rabbinate is not really like that, of course. If it were, no one would become a rabbi or any kind of leader in the Jewish community. Most congregations and most congregants are supportive and kind. It is the exception to the case that seems to get the most attention. After all, what fun is talking about the rabbi if temple membership is up, the sermons are no more than 7 minutes long, and Yom Kippur services last no more than an hour!?
But, of course, the larger a congregation gets, the greater the chance that the leader will be critiqued. That is one of the prices of leadership but the benefits, God willing, outweigh the price. At least that’s the way the rabbi and the congregation hope it turns out. If not, a most divisive and unhealthy relationship can develop and that makes a congregation go nowhere.
It’s like the humorous anecdote about the rabbi who is confined to the hospital bed after an appendectomy and the president of the congregation beamingly announces that she brings the best wishes of the Board of Trustees, as expressed in a resolution adopted just last night—by a vote of seventeen to twelve.
I think that Moses knew the trials of being a leader but he might not have really thought about all that means in the real world. It is in today’s Torah portion that we see him dealing with this constant critiquing and how he deals with their critique that makes him not just an outstanding leader but also a role model that can teach and touch each of us.
Let’s set up the scene: The people have crossed the Sea of Reeds and are now freer than ever. It will be a long time from then before the Egyptians are a threat to the Jewish people and never again will the Egyptians bother these particular ex-slaves. Still they complain. They are not satisfied and expect more and more from Moses and the leadership.
The Torah text tells us that they “murmured” and approached him with a demand: “give us water.”
Although the text does not tell us how they murmured, it must have been somewhat threatening because the next part of the verse has a defensive Moses saying to them, “Why do you find fault with me? Why do you put the LORD to the test?”
It was Moses’ way of saying, “I just work here. Gimme a break!!!”
The people were hardly satisfied and Moses clearly sensed the danger he was in. That is why he says to God in the next line, “What shall I do with this people? They are almost ready to stone me.” (2)
You will then notice what God does and from it Moses and we learn something valuable. You might have expected God to punish the people somehow, maybe to bring a plague and teach them a lesson. But that is not what God does. Rather God tells Moses to “pass before the people with some of the elders and draw water from the rock.”
Do you see what happened here? Moses is not rescued from his predicament. Instead he encouraged to continue leading and to make partners with the other leaders of the community. And with those leaders before the people Moses learns that, even though the complaints of the people were threatening and maybe a little out of place and time, they were still valid. God taught Moses to respond to people and not at the people. It is that distinction that is so instructive.
It is like the story of the woman who was making a phone call and the rabbi picked up the phone. She asked for her party and the rabbi informed her it was a wrong number. She said, “It is not. I didn’t dial the wrong number. You picked up wrong!!”
We often have the impulse to ‘pick up wrong’ even though message is clear and valid. Too often we make a mistake when we think of “critical” events, “critical” feedback and “critical” people in purely negative terms. I once had a high school student who wondered aloud why we look at a text “critically” when that implies that all we want to do is find fault with it. For if we find fault with it, then it must mean that we are somehow superior to it and could have done a better job.
But the truth is usually different than that. Giving people the benefit of the doubt that they are people of integrity, a critique is not meant to be some kind of a put-down. Rather, the mature person looks at the critique as one of the supporting beams and braces of a more effective leader, a better person, or whatever they are trying to become.
Moses is considered the greatest Jewish leader because, though there times when he wanted to throw in the towel and call it quits, he came to understand that— through God’s help and guidance— that it is better to listen than to dismiss the. surly remarks of the Israelites out of hand. Moses learned that a savvy leader—which most assuredly what he grew to be—could learn more from those who kvetched than from his friends. Someone once said, “The opinions of our enemies come nearer to the truth about us than do our own opinions.” And although Moses did not see the Israelites as “his enemies,” it was his ability to hear them that made him effective.
It is said that the thing that defines what Judaism is is encapsulated in the Shma, sometimes called the “watchword of our faith.” The statement “Listen, O Israel. Adonai is our God, Adonai alone” is meaningful because it starts with the command for us to “listen carefully” before we respond. And though he had not articulated the Shma to the Jewish people, or maybe even to himself at this time, it’s sense was something that Moses was beginning to learn.
Had Moses ignored them and used his position and authority to dismiss their complaints, he would have become like those who are certain to become yesterday’s news before the sun even sets. just as any business person or any other kind of effective leader will be filled with the most current trade journal, competitors’ products and publications—all to see what the other guys are doing, no in-box is complete without a stack of memos from a conveniently posted suggestion box. Listening to the critical voices around us, no matter how raspy or redundant, cannot hurt our hearing. It can only make it more acute and more sensitive to change.
A great Hassidic master, Rabbi Juda Zvi of Stretin was asked how he could possibly remember and enumerate in his prayers all the names and specific requests of the hundred of people who came to him.
“I do not have to list them all one by one,” he said. “When a person comes to me and tells me of his troubles, I feel so much for him and empathize with him with all my heart, until his troubles carve a scar in my heart. When my time comes to stand before God in prayer, all I have to do is tear my heart open and cry out to our Father in Heaven and say: ‘Look!’ And when He looks into my heart, He can read in the scars engraved upon it every detail of the woes of all the suffering people that shared their troubles with me.” (3)
The good leader is the one who hears the pain of his or her people and who is not afraid to ask God for help and support. But primarily a good leader is the one who listens; who hears the word “Shma” come not just out of his mouth to the people he leads but also which resonates in his own heart, as well.
Rabbis, of course, are not the only leaders in any community. Each of us takes on leadership qualities at times and is looked to for guidance and direction. But we are also more than that: even when we are leading, Moses is teaching us that we ought to be listening, too.
• In our families, we are looked to as leaders yet our authority as a parent sometimes obscures the obviousness of what our children are saying. This is a good time for repentance and to say, “I’m sorry” to your children.
• At work, despite our best efforts, we sometimes fail and when a colleague or a superior critiques us that may be a good time to do what Moses did and step back and say “Shma—Listen carefully.” Regardless of its origin, the other person may be right.
• And when we are alone with God that is also a good time to listen to the still, small voice inside us that guides us on our way. It is the voice of conscience, the voice of reason and the voice of goodness and, it too, deserves to be heard.
Albert, Vorspan is one of Reform Judaism’s great thinkers. He once wrote what advice he would give to his descendants. He says, “Life is precious, nurture it; take the world seriously, and strive always to improve it; respect yourself, but take yourself to seriously, lest you find yourself ‘blown up by your own wind.’ (4)
Friends, too often we are blown up by our own wind. There are too many times in the day that we feel that what we have done is the very best that can be done and that we can do not wrong. Too often we fail to see things from a different angle and are afraid to try something a new way because we have convinced ourselves that we have it down just right. It is natural, then, that when someone critiques us or challenges us, we get defensive. But this is not the Moses response nor should it be ours.
Our response should be one of integrity: the integrity of the other and the integrity of ourselves. Let us remember that the other who is complaining may have something legitimate to say and that, more often than not, they are saying it because it is important. That is their integrity. And let us also remember that life is about growing and that it sometimes hurt to hear that you’re not perfect. But your integrity is that you want to grow and want to be better; a better mother or father, a better student, a better leader, a better person. It is then that you have to step back and repeat that first word of the watchword of our faith: “Shma“—’Listen and don’t talk for in listening you will surely grow.’ May God give us all such ears.
1. As referenced in Martin E. Marty, Context, 1 February 1993, 1.
2. Homiletics Online, http://Homileticsonline.com/Instaflments/sep2693.htm, (Homiletics) September 1993
3. Torah Today, Pinhas Peli, p 88-89
From <https://americanrabbi.com/with-ears-of-moses-by-cy-stanway/>
4. Albert Vorspan, Start Worrying: Details to Follow, p. 9
